weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
