he puts the penis in happiness.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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