Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
