It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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