I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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