so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
