Where are you?
In a non slutty way
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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