Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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