I'm jealous of your bromance
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
