Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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