Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
