i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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