If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
