I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
