the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
