You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
