Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
