I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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