Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
