he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
