420 ftw
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
