His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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