Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
