I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
