Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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