how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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