he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
