i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
this hospital has no fireball
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
