I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
