i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
