he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
