he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
