i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
