So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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