I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
