I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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