DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
