When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
