fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
