im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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