I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
