You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
whose parrot is this?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
