There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
