The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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