Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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