hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
