He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
