boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
