I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
