According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
