the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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