that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
