I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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